The First day of Lunar New Year

Actually was still rather sad for me but I had it under control now.
Just dunno when it will strike again and I'm trying my best not to think of it.

I went to bed at 1am but I''m sure I didn't sleep straight away.
Assuming I slept near 2am, I woke up at 3.33am exactly.(Lucky number:0333)
I tried to close my eyes for a little while more.
Heard my mum woke up at aroun 4.30am plus and I follow soon after.

I felt kinda sad sending my parents to departure hall.
Especially when it is sending my mum this time cos' I knew I'm alone for good.
I was very drained and energy-less at the morning. I felt bloodless,almost.
Forgot how I reached home but brother was ready to step out to visit his teacher or friend then.

After he left, I went to my room. Stared at my mirrors, looked at the house and I started crying like a baby.
It seems like a big taboo to do that on New Year but loneliness swallowed me in.
Maybe I'm not quite used to a CNY like this. I dun want other families, I just want mine.

There I was, hugging my big sized Pooh and sobbed.
I badly wish that an angel would suddenly poof infront of me and comfort me. I dun want anyone else but an angel that moment.
5 minutes worth of tears. I get out. Bathed and sleep.

Considered that I slept at 10am, woke 30 minutes later. Sleep for another one hour and woke up and another 30 minutes.
Now 12 noon.
I saw Jason's msg, asking if I would like to go to his granny's house for lunch.

Funny thing is my appetite greatly supressed this CNY.
I didnt really have anything that is considered substantial cos' I am not hungry.
Pineapple tarts failed to tempt me (Not that I have seen any in my house) and I must be hail saint if I really didnt eat any this year(outta greed, not entertainment).

Reasons that I rejected Jason were:
1)I thought I could still sleep.
2)Locations are not in my convenience.
3)I didn't really wanna entertain anyone else (which I have to do later eventually. But one less saves one efforts) when I don't feel happy exactly.

That may be selfish but think...It is selfish too if you think that could cheer me up cos' I know I am only smiling like I have to.
Gimme a break, a room for healing.

I grew up this way. I cry, I wiped my tears. I fall, I get up myself. I really need someone else but I haven't seem to find that one or I never will cos' I grew up this way.

I am still tired,really.

Maybe I will sleep a little more.
Will wake up to do my make up, wear my smile and do the things that I should do then.

Come to think of it,it won't be that bad if I have a dog.
Stinky and Stinko stink and they won't talk.

=/